Hanyous and SakePreferably Not Mixed
by Dina-Listra
Summary: Miroku wants to have a little talk with Inuyasha. Of course, his questionable morals come into play.


Hanyous and Sake (Preferably not mixed.)

            "Bah. We won't get caught." Miroku snapped at Inuyasha, who obviously thought stealing was immoral, but killing humans wasn't. "Anyway, why would Kaede care?" "Do you know how much alcohol costs?" "Hmm…Do you?" Silence. "Shut up! This is about you, anyway, I didn't do anything wrong…" The monk chuckled at the demon's whining. 'He really needs a drink more than me…I doubt he's ever had one.' He thought, smiling at the annoyed hanyou "Why do I have to come, I don't drink…" he snapped at the amused expression on Miroku's face. "I know, I have to change that, you see. It helps people express their feelings more." Miroku smiled as he told him his cover. For, as you might guess, the monk had a plan.

            "I don't drink." Inuyasha repeated as Miroku held out a bottle filled with sake "I don't like the smell, why would I like the taste?" he started to snarl. Miroku shrugged "I didn't at first either. After your second drink, you start to develop a taste for it, just try it." "Why do I need to talk and drink with you, I'd rather talk and drink alone." Inuyasha was very awful at talking his way out of situations, especially since all he had to do was open his big mouth and- "AUGH! That stuff's nasty!" the dog demon spat on the ground over and over again. "Mmm….Don't worry. After your second drink, you get _real feelings…_for it." He loved to imply things. He laughed happily, as he swallowed from his cup, which was filled with water, though Inuyasha didn't know this. Miroku started to wonder if Inuyasha's tolerance was really that bad that he couldn't smell the water through all the booze around him. "So, now what? I tell you all my secrets? I'd really rather not, priest." "Monk. And you have to get a little more intoxicated before you start telling everything." "Intox…whatever." Miroku laughed, knowing the advantage of using big words around Inuyasha. "So, I drink, I get drunk, I go find Kagome, I act like a big jerk, I continue the fights from before? Sounds fun, let's have another drink." Inuyasha slurred, obviously that one drink he had mostly sit upon the ground had been enough. He held out the cup that he had found sitting on the ground and wiggled it in a 'Booze. Now.' sort of way.

            "Sho, I should shay nishe things to Kagome, thas righ'?" Inuyasha muttered, swaying slightly from side to side. "Yes, that would be about it." Miroku confirmed, sighing. He had said yes at least five times now, and he was seriously considering breaking the bottles to stop Inuyasha from drinking himself to death. "Well…haha…" he giggled happily "Thas what Kagome sez about you and Miroku…haha…I mean you and Sango…haha…" the hanyou collapsed on the ground in a fit of drunken giggles, and Miroku's eyes widened at the sound of Sango's name. "Why should I say nice things?" he asked, seriously, not realizing he could find out everything Kagome had told Inuyasha bout Sango…"She said…aha…she said you need to know when the 'mood' is…It's really shilly, I thinks, but it works with me and her, sho whaddya think?" "I think you should stop drinking." Miroku sighed, as Inuyasha bent over and threw up into a bush. "Yeah, but you didn't even shtart man." And with that, Inuyasha inserted a bottle of sake into his friend's mouth, and upended it, making the bottle empty, and forcing Miroku to drink it all. "Oh…damnit…" Miroku muttered as an immediate drunken buzz grabbed his body. "Where am I? Oh yeah, hah, I forgot. So, what about you and Kikyo, she sssseems like a really bi…*hic* a really bitchy chick." Miroku asked as soon as he recovered from his sober thinking and entered his stupid stage. "She ish! I can't shtand her shometimesh! She jus…*hic*…just wantsh me to *hic* go to hell with her…I think I'd rather be with Kagome…she'sh much nisher." Inuyasha proclaimed, using large waves of the bottles he was clutching to explain "I love her, man! I just can't…woah…what the fuck…My head hurtsh…I…fuck…what?" Inuyasha started swaying again.

            Soon Inuyasha became sober again. They had been talking and drinking for hours, and the moon was high above him. In all that time, Inuyasha had slowly been very drunk, and then slowly returned to sober. Miroku, however, had passed out as soon as Inuyasha had said 'nisher' so, he hadn't heard him shout his love for Kagome to the heavens…"Good…Good…that'sh good…But…what if other people heard?! Aw, crap. W-well I was drunk, so…I could just say…I was drunk…Maybe that would make Kagome mad…that I was…My head hurts…ow...Damn you Miroku…" he jabbered at the stars, who seemed to come close to each other to whisper about him ("He loves WHO?!" "I know, it's outrageous!" "What was he thinking?!") He sat there as the moon started towards the west, staring at the stars and thinking. 'Was what I said while I was drunk true? Or was I just drunk and making drunk comments? My head hurts.' Soon, he decided the best thing to do was hope no one heard, and take Miroku back to the village. He scooped up the unconscious (obviously dreaming, "Sango…hey…" what a stupid dream…) monk and glanced around at the bottles. "I'll come back here when I want to get drunk again, maybe with Kagome…" he shook his head irritably "How long does it take to recover from this, damnit?! That'd be really stupid of me…" So he leapt back to the village by scent, sighing every once in a while as he remembered Kagome, and then grunting when he realized how mad she would be when she found out he told Miroku all these deep dark loving things, but not her.

            "Where have they been?" Sango muttered to Kagome as the two of them sat out on the (porch? I'm gonna call it a porch) porch outside of Kaede's hut. "I don't know…Kaede's sake is gone…but why would they want to go drinking?" Kagome replied and Sango blushed bright red as she answered her question "To talk about _girls._ My dad said that's the only way they can." Sango whispered. Kagome giggled a little bit, before both of them began an all out giggle fit. "Why would they talk about us?" Kagome asked, before Sango gave her an odd look "Who said I meant us?". Kagome turned bright red, realizing she had only told Inuyasha that she thinks Sango and Miroku are in love. "Obviously…I mean…Inuyasha and I…er…" Kagome giggled and blushed crimson, and Sango patted her on the arm "Right. Koga and Kikyo, jealousy and love. I think I get it. And I think for once, Miroku's judgment on 'Hey! Let's get drunk!' was a good idea. Inuyasha obviously needed to get it off his chest." "Yeah…" Kagome looked down. What she had been talking about wasn't herself, but now that she thought about it…Inuyasha probably told Miroku everything…"He probably told Miroku how wonderful Kikyo was…and how…faraway I am…Augh that jerk!" "Yeah, they're both jerks." Sango sighed. "I didn't tell anything!" Inuyasha gasped, walking out of the forest carrying the still unconscious Miroku ("Sango…that's nice…") "PERVERT!" Kagome screamed pointing a shaking finger at Inuyasha. "Wha-? I just said…" Inuyasha began. Obviously Kagome took the coward's way out and assumed whatever they did out in the forest was not something you should think about. Sango, however, was bright red and shaking. "Get….my…Haricots…I'm going….to kill him." She grunted through her gritted teeth. Kagome did give her the weapon, and Sango through it full force at the two fools called men.

            "GAH!" Inuyasha jumped out of the way "WHAT THE FUCK SANGO!?!" "You two are perverts! Go away and don't come back!" Kagome cried, skillfully throwing rocks at Inuyasha's head. "I said I didn't say ANYTHING in front of him that YOU would find EMBARASSING!" Inuyasha screamed, not really realizing what he said. "You…what?" Kagome whispered, dropping her rock. "I didn't say I love you or Kikyo _in front of him._ He knows just as much about me as I know about him. And that's next to NOTHING." "So what did you say, not in front of him?" Kagome grinned, she was so sure she knew the answer. "Well…I said I hate Kikyo to him, he passed out, and I said…" he turned bright red "Wait a minute! I'm still drunk! You bitches I'll kick your asses…tomorrow…" and with that, he collapsed on the ground as the sun rose in the sky. Sango and Kagome giggled uncontrollably, until they woke the whole village (well, that of which hadn't been woken up by the cries of 'pervert' 'what the fuck sango' and 'embarrassing'). "Sango-chan? Kagome-chan? What's going on, what's so funny?!" Shippo shouted from Kirara's back as they and Kaede left the hut "I believe Inuyasha is dead." She joked in a serious tone of voice, which, obviously, Shippo didn't understand. "WHAT?!" 

            "Later it was resolved that no, Inuyasha was not dead, and that Miroku remembered nothing of what Inuyasha had said. Since no one cared what Miroku said, it didn't matter that Inuyasha did. Though, none of them knew I was there of course, I did drain the alcohol from Inuyasha's blood, and he recovered from the drinking much faster. Kagome and Inuyasha grew much closer, as Kagome suspected that the name that Inuyasha had cried to the heavens was indeed hers, and not that of the undead miko's. Shippo and Kaede were kept in the dark." Myouga finished his story, in a happy tone of voice, and beamed up at Shippo and Kaede. "We know that, Flea-sama. That's why we asked you to tell us what happened." Kaede stated blankly. Shippo sighed "He's not as wise as he seems."


End file.
